I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
