she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
