Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
