Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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