Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
