That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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