toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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