It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
