Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
