I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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