I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
