im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
