I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
