I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
