If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
