I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it was like eating out sand paper
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
