I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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