Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize