Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
