Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
