Can i not drive my cunt home
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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