Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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