Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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