whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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