I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
