what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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