OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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