I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
