my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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