I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
