I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
