Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
