Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
