In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
