I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
