Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
