i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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