i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
