I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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