So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
