You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
