I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
