First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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