sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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