I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
where does the pee come out of this thing
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
