Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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