Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
