The maid of honor just puked.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
