I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
