I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
