Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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