Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
