I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
