So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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