Define "chronic" masturbator.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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