I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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