My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
