He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
