Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
