i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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