Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
