WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
