im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
