he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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