Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
