you mean i was at the winter classic?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
