haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
