So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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