Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
