At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
