The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
